Our Last Goodbye
by WritingHealstheHeart
Summary: You don't get to choose who you love and unfortunately, that's the case regarding Spencer Reid and Cat Adams. Sometimes the person who is the hardest to love, is the person who needs the love the most. (Alternate version of Date Night - for those that enjoy Cat and Spencer's chemistry)
1. Chapter 1

Spencer stood on the other side of the glass staring at her. Somehow, she managed to plot and orchestrate another kidnapping. His blood boiled at the sight of her. She knew exactly how to get under his skin and the last time he saw her he'd actually tried to murder her. Thank God J.J. was there to snap him from his rage trance.

"You alright?"

Spencer turned to see Emily watching him from the doorway. The worry and concern written plainly on her face.

"Yea."

"You know we don't have to play her game. We can figure out another way –" Emily started.

"Two children's lives are at stake. It will only end if she gets what she wants," he muttered before walking past Emily to enter the interrogation room.

As soon as he stepped inside, Cat Adams sat up with a smile on her face and that evil sparkle in her eye. Spencer quietly walked over to the table and sat down in the metal chair. He folded his hands on the tabletop and stared blankly at her.

"No hello?" she grinned.

Spencer didn't respond, he continued to stare her down.

"If this is your idea of negotiating, those two kiddos don't stand a chance," she said sarcastically.

"What do you want?"

"I wanted to see you. Prison was getting a little boring so … here I am," she said.

"What. Do. You. Want?" he said, emphasizing each word.

Cat rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest.

"You used to be fun. What happened to you?"

"You happened to me," he replied.

"Well, that's a little rude."

"Cat, this isn't a game. This is someone else's life. These are children with friends and family, and you are hurting them with your antics. Tell me where they are –"

"Or what? You'll kill me? I'm already scheduled for that," she said.

Spencer's brow furrowed.

"Guess no one cared to inform you. I confessed to everything. All 232. I'm being executed next week. So, threatening me is not going to get you anywhere."

While it was true that Cat had a way of getting under Spencer's armor and seeing hidden things, he also had the same effect on her. Despite her hard exterior, he saw a glimpse of fear and maybe, even sadness. He sat back in his chair and sighed.

"You obviously have nothing to lose here, so what do you want?"

"It's funny the things that run through your mind when you are alone for hours and days at a time. When you know you the exact day and time you'll no longer exist on Earth. You start thinking about how your life could've been different. What if you had taken a different path," she began.

"You are incapable of remorse," he said, eyeing her skeptically.

"You also said I'm incapable of loving anyone and yet here we are," she said gesturing her hand at him.

He went to say something snarky, but she spoke before he could.

"Anyway, I realized that I never got to have a normal life. I never went to school or had friends. I never went on a date where I didn't murder someone. I never took a vacation or went sight-seeing."

"Where is this going Cat?" Spencer interrupted.

"I want to experience something real, something genuine just once before I die," she said.

"Maybe you should've thought about that before killing 232 people," he snipped.

"Maybe, but I can't take back what I did, now can I?" she snapped back.

Again, a small piece of armor slipped, and he saw something he was shocked to see. Something he truly thought she was incapable of. He saw regret.

"Ok, fine. What is it you want from me?"

"I want to go on a date with you. A real date, with a few drinks, some dancing. I want to dress up and look pretty."

"Cat, you're a death-row inmate, how in the world do you expect me to pull this off?" he asked.

"You'll figure it out. You're smart."

Spencer leaned forward onto the table.

"I don't think you are understanding me. You are a murderer, a killer. There is nowhere in the world I can take you where they will trust you won't harm someone," he explained.

"That's why I had those kids kidnapped. It makes no sense to kidnap two random kids just so I can kill you or anyone else. What I'm demanding is what I'm after. There's no hidden agenda. This is what I want."

Spencer sat quietly for a few moments before he sighed and stood up to leave the room.

"I'll see what I can do."

(xxxxx)

A couple hours passed before the door to the interrogation room opened again. J.J. walked in carrying a bag in her hand, two-armed SWAT officers following behind. Cat sat up straighter in her chair.

"Guess it's your lucky day," J.J. said tossing the bag to Cat.

(xxxxx)

Cat had been ushered to the bathroom where J.J., Emily, and Tara stood watch as a stylist cleaned Cat's hair in the sink, dried it, and applied makeup for her date. The bag J.J. had thrown at her had clothes inside that she changed into.

Cat spent much of the time making snide remarks and poking at the women, trying to get them to join in fake girl banter. None of them bit, much to Cat's dismay. Finally, she was dressed and ready to go. She stood in front of the mirror admiring herself.

She wore a maroon spaghetti strap dress that was longer in the back than the front. She wore ankle boots with heals that would make her a little closer to Spencer's height. For a moment she was overwhelmed. She noticed the girls watching her and tried to play it off.

"Well, I was hoping for something more revealing, but considering you three nuns probably picked it, I should be happy," she said.

"You're welcome," J.J. said sarcastically.

"Where's Spencie?"

"_Spencer_ is waiting in the lobby for you," Emily said, emphasizing his full name.

"Don't want to keep my date waiting, shall we?" Cat said as she turned to the door.

Tara moved quickly to open it and escorted Cat out. J.J. and Emily walked behind her just in case. When they rounded the corner to the lobby, Cat saw a crowd of SWAT officers and the BAU team but couldn't find Spencer.

She was about to ask where he was when Luke and Matt stepped aside revealing him. He was dressed in all black with a tie that matched her dress. His hair had been messily styled, but clearly, he had taken a moment to fix it. He stepped forward and held out his arm. She smelled a hint of cologne.

"You ready?" he asked miserably.

"Yes," she replied as she linked her arm with his.

They climbed on the elevator with a few agents and SWAT officers. Spencer hit the ground level button and she watched the BAU members disappear from view.

"You know, you could seem a little more excited," she said bitterly.

"What? You can't tell how thrilled I am?" he said mundanely.

Her jaw clenched as she internally fumed. They walked silently to the waiting SWAT bus, where they were loaded inside with two armed guards. Once they were seated and, on the road, Cat turned angrily to Spencer.

"Are you going to pout all night? This is my dying request and if you aren't going to even pretend to have fun, then take me back to the station now," she growled.

Spencer glanced over to see her glaring at him.

"You didn't even tell me how beautiful I look. What kind of a man doesn't compliment his date?"

She looked away from him to stare angrily out the back window. Her arms folded over her chest. It was quiet for a few minutes before Spencer spoke up.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

Cat turned her head to look at him. His eyes were kinder, and his body was less tense.

"I promise I'll make more of an effort," he said sincerely.

Cat eyed him wearily before turning to look back out the back window. The rest of the ride was in silence. 20 minutes later, they pulled into an empty parking lot and found themselves standing in front of a brick building.

"What is this place?" Cat asked as Spencer helped her out of the vehicle.

"It's a rental hall," he said as he led her to the front door.

"I hope it's better looking on the inside," she said scrunching her nose up in disgust.

Spencer surprised her by chuckling. She looked to see a small smile on his face.

"Don't worry, it is," he said.

He reached for the door and swung it open. He led Cat down a corridor toward another set of double doors. He stopped and turned toward her.

"Ready?"

Cat took a deep breath and smiled.

"Yes."


	2. Chapter 2

Cat stepped into the hall and her jaw dropped. Red and white streamers decorated the ceiling and walls. There was a table of refreshments and a bar tender in the far corner. Colored lights bounced along the ceiling and walls. The DJ had his headphones on and tapped away on his laptop as music began to play.

"You actually did all of this for me?" she said incredulously.

"Do you like it?"

She turned to see Spencer watching her with a smile on his face. He was finally playing along.

"I love it," she said grabbing his hand and dragging him toward the middle of the room. "Come on let's dance!"

"Oh, no! I … uh … I don't dance," he said.

"It's only me," she said then looked around the room. "And an entire SWAT team and people you work with. But other than that …"

She grinned as she grabbed both of his hands and held them in her own. Spencer ducked his head and shook it slightly.

"What about a drink? Let's get a drink and loosen up a bit?" she suggested.

Spencer shrugged and followed her to the bar tender where they both ordered drinks. Cat was a little bummed she only had one choice in drink, but she pretended like it was exactly what she had wanted and took the glass with a big smile.

"To us," she said holding up her glass.

Spencer clinked his glass with hers and they both took a sip.

"Come on, let's go talk. Get to know each other," Cat said as she grabbed his hand and dragged him over to the table that was set with two chairs.

Once they were seated, Cat took another sip of her drink before setting it down. She smiled at Spencer, who returned it equally.

"So, tell me about your childhood," she said.

Spencer's look of content melted away to irritation. He glared at her. He knew Cat could never be trusted. She never missed an opportunity to bring light to his shit upbringing. He watched as she frowned, and her brows furrowed.

"I'm not fucking with you. I genuinely want to know. I only know your mom was sick and your dad left you, but I don't really know your story," she explained.

"What's there to tell? You have the general overview," he said bitterly.

Cat looked down for a moment, her body curling slightly into itself as though wrapping her in protection.

"I know we seem very different," she began, and his eyebrow raised. "Yes, I murder, and you don't, that's already clear let's not keep hashing that. My point is, we may seem different, but we both started life at a disadvantage."

"Because of your dad?" Spencer said.

"It's no secret what my father did to my mother." Spencer nodded. "That's all anyone cares about though. No one ever sees passed that."

"What do you mean?" He asked genuinely interested.

"Do you ever wonder why I kill men?"

"Revenge for what your dad to your mom," he said.

"See? No one sees passed the obvious. Sure, part of it comes from what he did to her, but nobody ever cared to ask what he did to me."

"What did he to you?"

Cat looked up to see Spencer watching her seriously. His eyes trying to read her and see if this was all an act.

"You don't care," she said. "You're only asking that because you think this is a game."

A few moments of silence fell over them. Cat played absentmindedly with a string on her dress, while Spencer watched her curiously.

"My mom had good days and bad days. On her good days, she would read me stories, take me to the park, play chess with me. There was this diner called 5-Stars, they made the most amazing cheeseburgers. When mom wasn't sick, she would take me there for a treat."

Cat looked up to see him watching her.

"I cherished those days. They were few and far between though. Most of the time, she wouldn't get out of bed. I would have to force her to eat or shower. One time there was nothing to eat in the house and her social security check hadn't come yet. I was hungry, so I walked to a nearby gas station and stole some stale fruit bars I found in the dumpster."

Cat sat in stunned silence as she listened to his story.

"The worst part was when she was afraid. Mom hallucinated often and most of the time, I was on the receiving end of it. She threw things at me, hit me, beat me with objects around the house that were within reach. Once she thought the government had microchipped me and she tried to dig it out of my skin with a steak knife."

With that, Spencer unbuttoned his shirt sleeve and pushed it up slightly. He held out his arm and Cat looked down to see a 2-inch scar. She reached out and ran her finger lightly over the pink puckered skin.

"Why didn't you ever tell anyone?" she said softly.

"They would've taken her away. I loved her and I felt it was my responsibility to protect her. If they took her away, I would be kept away from her and what would they do to her? She was just another crazy person to them. At least with me she was loved. And I knew she didn't mean to hurt me. She was sick."

Cat nodded as she absorbed Spencer's confession. She was surprised that he had opened up to her like that, especially since she didn't really push him to do so. He just gave it up freely. She glanced his way to see him watching her.

"Our fathers were quite similar, you know," she said with a humorless laugh. "Cowards." She looked back down at her dress as she recalled memories she had long since hid away. "I was 4 the first time. He took me down in the basement to play a game. He said it was doctor. He bought me a little kit with those plastic stethoscopes and blood pressure thing."

"Sphygmomanometer," Spencer said.

Cat glanced up for a second and then looked back down.

"Yea, that. Anyway, he said I could be the doctor first and it was normal. Then he said it was my turn to be the patient, but we were going to make it more real and that I had to undress to be the patient."

Her lip started trembling as she remembered that awful moment.

"It hurt so much. I just remember crying and saying I wanted to stop playing and he yelled at me. He said I was a brat and only good girls could play this game. He took my doctor kit and threw it in the trash can before sending me to my room for being ungrateful. I don't know how long I was in there for, but when he came in to let me out, he said I wasn't allowed to talk about what happened because my mom was so mad at me for being a bad patient."

"Cat," Spencer said breaking her train of thought.

She looked up to see him watching her sympathetically. She quickly wiped at her cheek, where one tear escaped and lifted her drink, finishing it off.

"Well, this isn't how dates are supposed to go," she said forcing a laugh. "Are you up for dancing yet?"

Spencer finished his drink and then nodded. After what she had just revealed, the least he could do was distract her. He took her by the hand and led her out to the dance floor.

(xxxxx)

Three drinks and an hour later, Spencer was more at ease. Cat and he had been dancing off and on, both actually having an enjoyable time. Cat taught Spencer the Electric Slide, the Cupid Shuffle, and the Macarena. He was a spaz when he danced, but she didn't mind. She was just happy to dance with him.

"I think I need a break. You mind?" Spencer asked as he pointed toward the table.

"Yea, my feet are a little sore. They could use a rest," she said as they walked off together.

Spencer plopped down into his seat with a sigh. He slipped his suit jacket off and draped it over his seat. Cat took a napkin and lightly pated her forehead, her neck, and her chest. She noticed Spencer watching her, so she made sure to exaggerate a little.

"Like what you see?" she flirted.

Spencer seemed to snap out of it, and she saw a tinge of red on his cheeks. She started laughing, which caught him by surprise.

"Spencer Reid does have a libido," she teased.

"Why wouldn't I?" he asked light-heartedly.

"You give off that whole 40-year old virgin vibe," she said.

"I'm not even 40, so not sure how that works out and no I'm not a virgin and haven't been many times over," he responded.

"Are you a man whore?"

It was Spencer's turn to burst out laughing. Cat joined in.

"No, I'm not a man whore. There haven't been that many," he replied.

"Ok, so when was your first?"

"I was 19. Some girl I met while working on my masters."

"Was it good?"

"It was alright. I was nervous. Before that girls typically tormented me, so my self-esteem was low. She was nice about it though."

"On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the worst you can imagine and 10 being holy shit you sex god, how good are you in bed?"

Spencer gave a small chuckle, while Cat watched him with amusement.

"I'm not sure I can answer that. How does one rate themselves? It's not like I know what my partner is feeling."

"Do you bring them to orgasm?"

"Usually," he said.

"Interesting," she said with a smirk on her face as she looked to the ceiling thoughtfully. "Have you slept with anyone on your team?"

"No."

"Have you thought about it?"

"I suppose at one time or other. Especially when I was younger, but not anymore. They are my family now. It would be too weird."

"And here I thought you and blondie –"

"J.J.? No, I mean, we went on a date once. Back when I just started with the bureau. We both formed a strong friendship that night, but that was all."

"So, what is your type then Dr. Reid? What gets your banana peeled?"

"I don't have a type. I just meet people and make connections. We don't choose who we love. It just happens," he said as their gaze connected.

Cat's pulse sped up a bit. She wondered if the same happened to Spencer because he shifted in his seat suddenly and seemed a little squirrely. She felt her cheeks blushing, so she turned her attention to the empty dance floor.

"You wanna dance again?" she asked.

"Um, yea, sure," he said getting up.

Nothing but fast songs had been played and Cat wanted something different. She excused herself from Spencer one moment and hurried over to the DJ. Spencer watched her say something to him and he nodded before she trotted back over to him. Just as she reached him the song _Lover_ by Taylor Swift began playing.

"May I?" she said with a smile.

Spencer nodded and held out his hand to clutch hers, while the other sat too lightly on her waist. They slowly swayed back and forth, until Cat made a move and wrapped her arms around Spencer's neck. Both of his hands landed on her waist with a little more weight to it.

"This song makes me think of you," she said as her finger lightly played with the hair at the base of his neck.

She saw him zone out to listen to the words being sung. She used that moment as an opportunity to place her head on Spencer's shoulder. Suddenly Spencer stopped moving and stepped back from her, taking his phone out of his pocket.

"Excuse me a sec," he said walking away, texting quickly back to someone.

Cat felt her heart plummet. She was alone in her feelings. He didn't want her, and she was a fool for making herself believe otherwise. He had no reason to love her when she had done nothing but torture him. All those times she thought she felt something, she was kidding herself. She was not good enough for Spencer Reid.


	3. Chapter 3

Cat sipped at her drink as she waited angrily for Spencer to return to her. When he finally did, he sat down across from her and furrowed his brow when he noticed her expression.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she snapped.

"Try again," he said.

"Enjoy your phone call?" she said bitterly.

"It was work. I had to answer," he replied.

"Of course, work calls and you have to bend over backwards for them. Let me guess was it, Blondie?"

"Her name is J.J.," he said defensively.

"Whatever. Let's go. Just take me back to the station," she said getting up and walking off toward the entrance door.

Spencer ran after her and grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Wait a minute, Cat, stop," he said as he spun her around to face him. "Why do you want to go? It was just –"

"Work, I know. You said that."

"Then why are you so angry? You're an inmate, they have to check in once and a while," he said.

"God, Spencer, you can really be thick sometimes," Cat said rolling her eyes and turning to leave.

Spencer grabbed her arm and spun her to face him again. This time he held both arms to keep her from running off.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"There are easily 20 SWAT officers and your FBI friends surrounding this place, not to mention the ones watching just out of our view. No one _needs_ to check up on you," she said angrily.

"I don't understand what you're trying to say," he said truly confused.

"Blondie likes you. She always has. You're just too stupid to see it," she said.

"What? Cat, she's married –"

"Oh, yes, cause marriage is some kind of forcefield that keeps feelings regarding anyone except your spouse out or in. She may not act on it, but she has it for you."

Spencer seemed more confused by this. His eyes moved around thoughtfully as he tried to wrap his mind around this information. Cat rolled her eyes again and tried to pull out of his arms.

"Now if you'll let me go," she growled as she squirmed.

"But I don't want you to go," he blurted.

Cat stopped wriggling to look at him.

"Why? You didn't seem to care when I opened myself up to you out there. Those lyrics meant something, and you just walked off to answer Blondie's call. Can't miss the opportunity to talk to her. I don't know why I thought things would be different tonight," she said with a sad laugh.

Spencer's hands fell away from her and Cat wrapped her arms around her waist, as though they were protecting her. She looked down at her boots and felt emotionally broken. Something Spencer was good at awakening in her. No one else ever made her feel these types of emotions.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking," he said guiltily.

"No shit. You know why? Because you're wrapped up in J.J. And why shouldn't you be? There's a real chance with her. A chance to have a family and to live a happy life. What do I have to offer? I had to threaten murder in order to get you to pay any attention to me."

With that she walked off toward the exit, but once again, Spencer ran after her.

"Cat, wait," he called as he trotted to her. "Please, give me a chance to make it up to you."

He was surprised when she turned, and he saw real genuine tears. He felt his stomach tie in knots and his breath caught in his throat.

"It doesn't matter anymore," she whispered.

"It matters to me," he said.

"Why?" she said wetly.

"Because I think I'm the only person that sees the real you," he said softly. Cat looked him in the eye as her lip trembled. "You've fought hard to prove that I'm as bad a person as you are, but I believe the truth is deep down the real Cat is screaming to be seen as a good person like me."

Cat threw her head back and shook it, before looking back at him.

"That is utterly ridiculous. I killed 232 people Spencer. How in the world can anyone call me good? I'm a monster. Everyone would agree."

"I believe what you've done is monstrous. I believe you chose the wrong path and made awful choices," he said. "But I also believe you were set up for failure when your father hurt you."

"He wasn't the only one. It's why I killed my foster parents too. My foster father used to rape me, and my foster mother pretended she had no clue. That she couldn't hear my screams for help. He even let my foster brothers join in on occasion."

"My point exactly," Spencer said. "As children we are impressionable and the way we are raised is guaranteed to shape our views and beliefs regarding life. You saw men as predators, and you were convinced the only way to deal with the injustice of their behavior was to kill them. It's not an excuse for what you've done, it just explains why you ended up on such a dark path."

"Wow, you really know how to sell it. Is this therapy appointment free or do I have to pay on the way out," Cat replied sarcastically.

"I'm serious Cat," he insisted. "There is a child hidden underneath all of your hate and loathing that just wants to be loved. It's why you found me."

"No, I found you because you lied to me and told me you wanted to murder your pregnant wife."

"Yes, that was physically how you found me, but emotionally you found me that first time we met. When you heard the child hidden inside of me. The one that was scared and alone and so badly wanted his mom to be normal and love him the way other moms did."

Cat wiped at a few stray tears quickly as she listened to him.

"We are not perfect, you and me. Our transgressions in the eyes of God put us on equal footing. We are no better or worse than the other."

"Since when are you a man of God?" Cat asked with a furrowed brow.

"I'm a man of possibilities and if there is a God, that's how things would be," he replied.

They stood silently for a few moments before Cat looked up at him. There was a small hint of the sparkle back in her eyes.

"You know it's weird to say you have a kid inside you," she said with a tiny smirk.

Spencer rolled his eyes playfully.

"You know what I meant," he said. "So, will you stay longer? Let me make it up to you?"

"Ok, fine," she huffed, but he saw her trying to hide a smile.

"Ok, meet me on the dance floor," he said as he hurried off toward the DJ.

She felt her face burning as she walked to the middle of the floor. She wasn't sure if everything he said was all for show or not, but for now, for her own sake, she would trust that it was real. She would shut out the evil side of her screaming about his deceit. Moments later he returned with one hand held out as he dipped slightly forward in a formal gesture.

"Cat Adams, care to dance?" he asked.

"We've been dancing all night weirdo," she said teasingly. He glared at her. "Ok, yes. I'll dance with you."

The music started playing and Cat recognized it as the Jonas Brothers. It was a song called Hesitate. Spencer had pulled her close to his body as they swayed back and forth to the music. She rested her chin on his shoulder as she listened to the beautiful words being sung. Suddenly, she felt his breath on her cheek, and he was whispering … no softly singing, the words to her.

"_Pull me close and I'll hold you tight. Don't be scared cause I'm on your side. No there's nothing I wouldn't do for you," he sang horribly off key._

Cat squeezed her eyes closed as tears streamed down her cheeks. She wanted to believe this was real. This fantasy. She wanted this life. She wished she could go back in time and do things differently. For the first time in her entire life, she wished she hadn't been a murderer.

"_I will take your pain and put it on my heart. I won't hesitate just tell me where to start. I'll thank the oceans for giving me you. You saved me once and now I'll save you too. I won't hesitate for you,"_ he sang.

Spencer heard a painful, broken gasp as Cat began sobbing into his shoulder. A new song began playing, but he still held her tight, no longer moving to the music. He couldn't be sure, but he was fairly certain he had heard her choke out, "I'm sorry," as she wept into his clothes.

After two songs played, Cat pulled away and tried to wipe away the evidence of tears off her face, while Spencer watched her sympathetically.

"843 Westhill St. The kids are being held there," she whispered before walking off to the front door.

This time, Spencer didn't run after her. He stood where he was watching her walk away. Her shoulders slumped in defeat. Her entire body sagging under the weight of inevitable future. There had to be something more. Something to bring them both a sense of closure. Something to make the knowledge of her imminent death easier to swallow. With that, he hurried after her.

_(xxxxx)_

_A/N: thank you for the awesome comments! I wasn't sure if this story would be successful or not, but I guess more people like their chemistry the way I do. I'm nearing the end of this one, maybe a few more chapters. I have to finish my J.J. story and then I'll try a Max and Spencer story for the (guest) who asked that question. XOXO_


	4. Chapter 4

Spencer walked down the hallway to find Cat staring out the glass doors to the waiting SWAT van. She wasn't facing him, but he could feel her pain. At that moment, his phone began to ring. He pulled it from his pocket and stared at J.J.'s name flashing on the screen. He looked back up at Cat who hadn't moved from her position.

"Hey, we have a problem," he said answering the phone. "She won't tell me where the kids are unless I take her to see my place."

Cat spun around with a furrowed brow. Her jaw slightly dropped in utter confusion.

"Yes, I realize what I'm suggesting. It's not like I'll be completely alone," he said. "I'm willing to take the risk. Give me two hours and I promise I can break her."

With that, Spencer hung up, pushed past Cat and out the door. She stayed still, in shock, before going after him. Just as he was ducking into the van, she grabbed his arm. He turned to see her glaring at him.

"What in the world are you doing?" she growled under her breath.

"Trust me," he whispered before loudly scolding her. "I don't want to hear it, just get in the van."

She glanced over her shoulder to see the sexy Puerto Rican guy walking out of the building. He looked furious. Normally this would have delighted her, but right now she had no idea what Spencer was doing and it was throwing her off her game.

"Get in!" he snapped.

Cat quietly climbed into the van and sat down, while Mr. Sexy approached Spencer.

"What are you doing?" he asked gently.

"It's our last hope. If we don't do this, those kids are done for," Spencer said.

Cat was a little sickened by his convincing lie. Not that she never lied, but it made her wonder was he ever really honest with her or was everything just an act.

"There has to be another way."

"Let's just get this over with. It'll be over in two hours and she'll be back where she deserves," he snarled before climbing into the van and plopping down next to her.

Cat felt uneasy about what was happening. She was used to always being in control and now all of a sudden, she was in the dark. It scared her. Reminded her of her childhood, vulnerable. She curled into herself a bit as she looked out the window and watched the world go by.

When they reached his apartment complex the rest of the BAU team was there waiting. They were all watching her with disgust. Not that she was used to anything different, but for once, she actually was innocent in all of this. That was an unsettling feeling.

"Spencer, a word," Emily said sternly.

He walked over to her and she heard them whispering amongst themselves. At one point, she heard him tell them they needed to trust him and that everything would be ok. He had a plan. When he stepped away from them, no one looked any happier. Blondie was staring her down harder than ever.

"Let's go," he said angrily to Cat.

She followed him quietly up the stairs until they reached door 23. He pulled his key out of his pocket, unlocked the door, and held it open for her to enter. Once inside, Spencer shut the door and locked it behind himself. She saw his angry demeanor fade almost instantly.

"Sorry about that, I had to keep the ruse going," he said as he shimmied out of his jacket and hung it on the coat rack. "I don't have a lot to offer, but I think I have a bit of scotch," he said as he walked toward the kitchen.

"What are we doing here? Why did you lie to your team?" she said not moving from her spot.

He stopped in his tracks and turned to face her.

"Well, you wanted a real date experience and if our date hadn't been a set up, I would've asked you to come back to my place for a drink," he replied.

"Oh," was all Cat could muster up to say.

"This is your last chance to be free Cat. To be yourself and experience a small glimmer of happiness without everyone watching. We only have until 10pm, so don't waste it trying to understand or question my reasons," he said before heading into the kitchen.

She listened as cupboard doors opened and closed. She heard the sound of ice clinking on glass. A few moments later he appeared with two Scotch's. He handed her one and took a sip of his own.

"So, it's your time now. What do you want?"

She looked around the room as she sipped on her drink. She knew exactly what she wanted, but the fear of rejection lingered in her mind. Normally, she wasn't the type to care about that. In fact, she had thrown herself at Spencer before and he hadn't taken her up on the offer. But maybe this time was different. He had brought her here on his own and he did show signs all night that he liked her.

But he was a liar. He did what he had to do to get things out of her. But she'd already told him about the kids, so he had no reason to bring her here other than what he said. She hadn't even realized he had moved closer to her. His hand reached out and took her glass, placing it on a nearby table.

"What's wrong? Isn't this what you wanted?" he asked confused.

"Yes," she said almost too softly.

"You don't trust me," he said with a look of disappointment.

"There's no reason for me to trust you. I don't deserve any of this. I deserve for this to be some sort of trap," she said as her voice cracked.

"I won't deny what is inevitably going to happen when this is over and you already know my feelings on your guilt so I'm not going to rehash that," he said as he glanced at his watch. "But I'm giving you the gift of 1 hour and 54 minutes of freedom. Your last chance to be with me if you want. Our last goodbye."

Cat nibbled anxiously on her fingernails as tears welled up in her eyes. This all seemed too good to be true and yet, she had no reason not to believe him. There really wasn't anything he gained by lying to his friends. In fact, if they found out, he would likely be fired. His entire life would be turned upside down. He took this risk for her and that suddenly said so much.

"Ok, let's not waste any more time, then," she said as she swiped away a loose tear. "Lead me to your room."

(xxxxx)

Spencer stood in front of Cat staring deeply into her eyes. He reached out and gently tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, his thumb lingering to rub the soft skin of her cheek.

"Why?" Cat whispered. She suddenly needed to know.

"Because tonight I got to see the real you. The one I saw glimpses of in the past. The one who sent fire through my veins and tingling up my spine. The one I could've fallen in love with if things had been different."

"Well, shit Spencer," she huffed before grabbing his collar and pulling him to her lips.

Their first kiss. Cat's heart raced in her chest as they passionately made out in the middle of his bedroom. Something she had dreamed about from the moment she laid eyes on him. She felt his fingers tangle in her hair as he tried to bring her closer.

As their tongues battled one another, Cat slowly undid Spencer's tie. The hiss of it being yanked off made her instantly wet. They broke their kiss momentarily to catch their breath before pressing back together again. Spencer's hands gently roamed her arms, shoulders, back, while she carefully unbuttoned his black shirt.

Once opened she slid her hands along his chest causing his breath to hitch in satisfaction. He leaned back to watch her as she trailed her fingers along his body. He leaned forward and began placing soft kisses along her neck and shoulders. With one hand he gently pushed the strap away as he kissed and licked her warm skin. After a moment, he switched to the other side, repeating the same action.

Cat shimmied as her dress slipped easily to the floor, leaving her in only her panties. Spencer returned to her mouth where he nipped and sucked at her lips and tongue. Cat was about to reach for his belt, when he pushed her over onto the bed. She landed with an ungraceful flop. Before she could protest, he was on top of her, frantically kissing her.

She suddenly felt cold and alone when Spencer popped away from her body. She opened her eyes to see him standing over her, her legs dangling over the edge of his bed. He was looking at her with such desire and lust, it nearly choked her.

Spencer ran his hands up her legs, sweeping over her hips and up her sides, stopping to gently massage her breasts. Cat sighed as he kneaded them and placed a few kisses along the nipples. She felt his hands move down her belly. They stopped just along the edge of her panties. He looked at her for confirmation before slipping them slowly off.

Cat felt herself burning with a mixture of want and shyness. She never cared what her body looked like before, but things were different with Spencer. She wanted him to be impressed. To be hypnotized by her and she surely didn't feel that way.

"Hey," he said, sensing her worry.

She looked up to see him watching her with a soft gaze.

"You're beautiful," he said with a smile. "Absolutely, stunningly beautiful."

She wanted to be normal and tell him to shut up and fuck her already. She wanted to say something sarcastic or deflect the attention, but instead she closed her eyes and tried to hold her tears at bay. He was the only person to make her weak. She felt his lips on her cheek, forehead, and then her mouth. This time it was tender. Something to soothe her.

She opened her eyes and stared deep into his. He gave her a quick gentle kiss before pulling away from her and disappearing from view. She sat up to see him kneeling on the floor. She went to protest, but his finger lifted to his lips and he softly shushed her.

She leaned back on her elbows as she watched him move toward her flaming center. He occasionally detoured to plant kisses along her inner thighs. When he finally reached her, she was throbbing with desire. Ever so slightly, he ran the tip of his tongue up the slit making her oversensitive nerves twitch.

After a few teases, she let out a loud groan as his mouth fully engulfed her clit. She squirmed as he expertly made out with her pussy. His lips drawing her in as he sucked and licked her. Cat's head was thrown back in ecstasy as he continued to eat her out. She nearly leapt off the bed when his tongue slipped lower and poked its' way into her.

"Fuck, you're good at that," she groaned as she reached out to run a hand through his messy hair. She saw a proud smirk creep onto his face.

"Don't let that get go to your head, you still need to make me come," she said playfully.

His mouth popped off of her momentarily, his lips glistening with her juices.

"Sweetheart, I'll make you come so hard you'll be praising my name," he said with a grin.

"Is that so? Care to make a game of this?" she said a little winded. "First one to beg for their orgasm wins."

"We only have two hours," he said.

"Then you better work fast," she said with a devilish smile.

"Game on."


	5. Chapter 5

Cat grabbed Spencer and threw him over on to his back. He chuckled as she pressed his wrists into the bed, her body hovering over him.

"You are going to be begging for mercy," she purred as she dipped down just enough to lick his lips and pull away.

"Only after you've already come completely undone beneath me," he grinned.

"I like your confidence," she said as she sat up and began undoing his belt.

Spencer watched and waited as she popped his button and unzipped his zipper. She lifted slightly and scooted down the bed, pulling his pants with her.

"Briefs, huh? Figured you'd be boxers or maybe boxer briefs," she said as she examined him.

"Better support."

"Well, time to see what exactly you need to support," she smirked as she slid slowly up his legs and hooked her fingers into his briefs.

Spencer's breath hitched as she pulled them down and his hard dick sprang free. Ever so slightly, Cat ran the tip of her finger up the throbbing vein.

"Perfect," she hummed. "Just the way I'd always imagined it."

"Really?"

She looked up to see a hint of worry in his eyes.

"I know from your past you may have thought otherwise, but you are truly perfect," she assured him. "If I weren't going to die in a week, I'd find those girls who fucked with you and beat the shit out of them."

A small smile tugged at the side of his mouth.

"I appreciate that," he said with a frown. "Can you do me a favor though?"

"Oh, don't worry, I will," she flirted.

Spencer gave a short-huffed chuckle and shook his head.

"No, don't talk about next week. Please," he said making her sit still, her smile fading.

"Yea," she said softly, her expression dropping slightly as reality crashed over her.

"Come here," he whispered holding out his hand.

Cat laid down on top of his chest and pressed her head by his heart. She felt his arms wrap around her protectively and she felt herself choking up. Why was he so nice to her? After everything she had done to him. It just didn't make any sense.

"I think I killed the mood," he muttered playfully.

Cat let out a small giggle as she lifted her head to look at him.

"Yea, way to go Spence. Foreplay killer," she teased.

"Don't worry, I can fix that," he said as he grabbed her face and pulled her down to his mouth.

His kiss was sensual, with a bit of heat mixed in. His hands ran up and down her naked body, resting with a gentle squeeze on her ass. Without warning, he flipped her over, rolling with her until he was hovering over top of her.

"Hey," she groaned as he now pinned her arms to the bed as she had done earlier.

"I still have a game to win," he said as he lowered his mouth to her breast.

Cat let out a moan as she squirmed beneath him. Spencer spent a few moments sucking and licking her chest until he made his way lower. His lips kissing her soft skin and his tongue leaving a trail as he moved toward her apex.

This time when he reached her, he seductively sucked a finger into his mouth. Cat watched in lust as he slid that finger down her wet folds and gasped when he pushed it inside of her.

"Ah, fuck," she moaned as she threw her head back in pleasure.

He started off slow, moving it in and out, gently searching for her g-spot. Cat yelped when he brushed his finger across a ridged portion and grinned.

"And there we go," he said smugly.

"Shut up and get to work," she snapped, but in a desperate, playful way.

"Is that … are you begging?" he asked as he wiggled his finger back and forth.

"No! Just … I just want a little," she said as she found herself grinding into his finger.

"Hmmm, sort of sounds like a plea," he said as he slipped another finger in her and began moving it faster and harder in a come here motion.

"Nope … not … a … plea," she panted as she wriggled on his bed. "Just needed a little something," she said as she used one hand to massage a breast and the other to clutch his sheets.

Spencer watched her with a mixture of awe, desire, and amusement. He bent over and placed his lips to her clit that was looking for attention. Cat cried out with a whimper as she began losing herself to him.

"You want it, all you have to say is you want it and it's all yours," he seduced as he lifted his mouth from her. "Say it and I'll make you come so hard you won't be able to walk out of here."

"Yes, yes, oh God yes," she panted and then suddenly her eyes burst open. "No! No! I mean no!"

Spencer laughed as he pulled his hands from her and she popped up, like one of those kid punching bags. Before he could say anything, her arms were wrapped around him and she kissed him frantically. Their tongues sloppily battling as their lips made loud smacking sounds.

Cat reached between them and grabbed his dick in her hand. He meeped against her lips as she began massaging him. Her hand gently twisting as she moved it up and down his throbbing shaft.

"Lay down," she ordered as their lips separated.

Spencer didn't have a chance to obey as she pushed on his chest and he flopped backward. Leaning over his dick, she peered up between her long hair and smirked at him. With a teasing stare, she stuck out her tongue and lightly flicked the tip of him. A bit of pre-cum sticking to her tongue as she pulled away.

"More?" she asked with a pouty look.

He didn't trust his voice at the moment, so he nodded as he leaned on his elbows, watching her intently. She made a show of sticking out her tongue and slowly licking from the bottom to the top. Spencer let out a small hiss.

"I don't know, I mean, I could make you wait," she said as she gently rubbed him. "Or, I could get you to the point where your balls are so tight, they are screaming for release and then just stop."

"That last one sounds good," he squeaked making Cat giggle.

"In that case."

She dipped down and brought his entire member into her mouth. Letting it go so far back into her throat she was dangerously close to gagging. She did these slow dips a few more times, before popping off the end and using her hand to stroke him.

"How's that feel?" she purred.

"Fucking great," he sighed.

"Guess I'll have to work harder. Great isn't good enough," she said as she went back to working him.

Her head bobbed up and down and twisted as she sucked him off. Occasionally, she let out a soft hum that vibrated him and had him gasping for air above her. She looked up at one point to see his eyes shut and his mouth dropped open. It was everything she always dreamed it would be.

She couldn't let herself think of that or she'd get emotional. So, she moved her hand to gently roll his balls in her hand as she continued blowing him. Suddenly his hand was threading itself in her hair as he tried to control himself from pounding into her.

"Holy shit, Cat," he groaned as he sat up and grabbed her, pulling her off his dick.

This time he was the one desperately kissing her. He pulled her tightly to his chest as one hand tangled in her hair and the other clutched her back. He spun her around and lowered her back onto the bed and settled himself between her legs.

"I want you so bad," he growled as he began sucking her neck.

"Take me," she whispered as her fingers scratched up his back. "Take me, Spencer."

Suddenly she felt him pressing at her entrance. Slowly and methodically, he began working his way into her. Inch by inch, carefully. They both were clutching one another for dear life as he pressed against her. Finally, her body accepted him and they both cried out in pleasure.

"You feel so good," he whispered as he pressed kisses to her cheek and neck.

"Fuck me," she whispered back.

With that, Spencer began moving inside of her. He moved slowly at first, trying to find the perfect spot. The louder she moaned, the harder he would push. He sat up on his knees, bringing Cat with him in his arms, positioning her slightly on his lap.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and began grinding against him as he lifted her up and down on to his cock. She bounced in his arms as he thrust up into her. When he laid her back down, she wrapped her legs tightly around him. With one hand holding her thigh and the other holding her lower back, he bent her into the perfect angle.

Cat began screaming as he thrusted into her. Sweat was dripping down Spencer's face as he pounded into her over and over again. Both of them moaning and groaning in ecstasy.

"I need to hold out," Cat whined.

"Fuck the game, just let go," he panted as he slipped his finger between them and began rubbing her clit rapidly.

"Spencer! Fuuuuuuuckkkkkkk!" Cat cried as her body began convulsing below him.

He felt her body squeeze his dick and that was the end of him. Two more messy thrusts and he was spilling into her. He continued to empty himself while she twitched and shook. When he finally had nothing left in him, he dropped beside her and pulled her against his body.

He peppered her forehead with kisses as they both tried to catch their breath. They lay in silence for a while tangled together, before Spencer finally spoke.

"Wow, that was … easily the best sex I've ever had," he sighed.

"Same here. Who knew after all those years of sexual banter we'd end up like this," she said looking up at him. "In my mind, you just earned yourself a Masters in sex."

Spencer chuckled as he wiped a stray hair out of her eyes.

"Well, that's quite an honor, thank you. And I know we called the game off, but I'm pretty sure I made you come first."

Cat rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, it might as well end 3 to 0, seems appropriate," she said jokingly.

But Spencer frowned.

"It's a joke, lighten up," she said though her eyes told otherwise.

"Talk to me," he said as he ran his knuckles along her cheek.

Cat rolled onto her back and looked away from him. She didn't want him to see her tears. He reached out and gently turned her face back to his direction.

"Hey, what's going on?"

She tried to fight back the tears, but a few slipped from her already cloudy eyes.

"Why?" she whispered.

"Why what?"

"Spencer, I have been nothing but awful to you. I tried to kill you and your team, I had you fucking drugged and framed for murder. I orchestrated your mom's kidnapping and then told Lindsey to kill her. Why are you here with me? None of this makes sense," she said wetly.

Spencer swallowed and scooted closer to her.

"I know it seems crazy and makes no sense. Our relationship was always like that. Tonight, was nothing like I expected. I had no intentions of being with you Cat. I was doing what I had to do to save those kids," he said and saw her wince at his words.

He placed his hand on her cheek and gently caressed her with his thumb.

"I wasn't expecting to end up on a date with someone different. I don't know where the Cat I had known went, but in her place was this remorseful, scared, lonely, strong, beautiful woman. Tonight, I found the real you. The one you have been hiding since you were a child.

"That woman deserved the best night of her life. She deserved to experience real, raw emotions. She deserved to know what real love feels like. I can't stop what is going to happen," he said as his breath hitched and his eyes watered.

"I wish I could. I wish I could change your past and things could be different, but I can't. All I can do is show you what forgiveness is. Show you that the world can be a good place and not everyone in it is an animal."

Cat had curled into him as the tears now streamed from her eyes. Big fat, salty tears dropped onto the bed as she wrapped her arms around Spencer.

"I'm sorry. I swear to God I am. I wish I had another chance, I don't want to leave you," she sobbed. "I am so scared. I don't want to die. I don't want to be that person. I want to be like Blondie or Emily. Fuck, Spencer, I'm dead next week."

He held her so tightly he thought they both might suffocate. His tears were now pouring as consistently as hers.

"You won't be alone. I'll be with you," he whimpered into her hair.

The room that had only moments ago been filled with happiness, was now covered in the blanket of reality. In 30 minutes, this would all be over. Cat would go back to prison and Spencer back to his life. He would be hailed a hero for saving the kids and she would be called a monster. Sometimes life just didn't seem fair.

(xxxxx)

_A/N: thank you all for sticking with me throughout this story. I know it seemed crazy, but I hope Spencer's reasoning makes sense to you. I always felt that he was the kind of guy who would be willing to forgive anyone who was genuine, because of all the awful things he witnessed in life, he would believe in redemption. _

_Thanks again for your support! It means the world to me! xoxo_


	6. Chapter 6

Spencer laid flat on his back with his arms wrapped around Cat, her head propped on his chest. They were both dressed again and no longer speaking. Both were too emotional for words to matter anymore. Spencer's hand gently ran along her back.

His heart stopped when his phone started beeping. Cat sat up and looked at him with panic in her eyes. He shut off the alarm and climbed off the bed. He felt sick to his stomach as he made his way to her. She stood up and once again tears were forming.

He wanted to comfort her. To tell her everything would be alright, but he knew that was a lie. It wouldn't be alright. There was nothing he could do to save her life. The date was set and there was no turning back.

He bit his bottom lip as she took deep breaths. They heard a loud banging on the door. Spencer twisted his neck to look, as though he had no idea who it was. He turned back to Cat and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"It's time," he whispered wetly.

Cat nodded and he watched her spine straighten as she accepted her fate. She walked toward his closed bedroom door and reached for the knob. Just as she opened it, Spencer grabbed her arm stopping her. She looked to him questioningly.

"I'm sorry," was all he could think to say.

She placed her hand on his cheek.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

With that she walked out of the room toward to front door, where someone started banging on it again. Cat unlocked the door and opened it, instantly raising her hands. J.J. pushed her way in to Spencer who lingered by the couch.

Luke was placing handcuffs on Cat, while Emily spoke to her. She must've told her where the kids were because Emily immediately sent Rossi and Matt away. Without a glance back, Cat was led away.

"Are you ok?" J.J. asked truly concerned.

"Yea," he lied, staring at the door as though Cat would come running back at any moment.

"What happened?"

"I'd rather not say," he replied before turning and walking back to his bedroom where he shut the door and locked it.

J.J. looked to Emily. Both of them concerned about what he was hiding.

(xxxxx)

Cat had spent her last week writing apologies. It wouldn't change what happened, but she felt this overwhelming urge to let everyone know that she understood the impact she had left behind. That she knew she deserved the death penalty and hoped it brought at least an ounce of closure to those affected by her actions.

The door to her cell opened. She took a deep, quivering breath as the guards cuffed her and led the way to the chamber. So many things were running through her mind, but what stood out the most was the amount of fear she felt. Her legs shook as she walked. Her stomach churned as she stepped into the room and saw the chair waiting for her.

As she sat down, she noticed not a single person was on the other side of the glass watching her. No family, no friends, and most importantly, no Spencer. Her head dropped and she started quietly sobbing. The guards strapped her to the chair that reminded her a little bit like a dentist chair, only it wasn't as comfy, and she wouldn't be tilted back as far.

Someone behind her started speaking, but she couldn't hear it. She was crying too hard. Her head pounded and her ears rang as she started to panic. _I am so sorry to the people I made feel this way. God I'm so sorry! Please forgive me! Please!_ She hiccupped and lifted her head to rest it against the headrest. Her heart skipped a beat.

Standing in the other room, watching her with tears streaming down his face, was Spencer. She let out a gasp as she started crying harder. She heard someone behind her say something, but her mind was running a thousand miles an hour.

"Hey! You want to say anything?" the guard next to her yelled.

She jumped, startled by his appearance. She looked to Spencer, her eyes swollen and red. Her face blotchy and wet. She sniffled and took a deep breath.

"I wish I could undo everything I've done. I am so sorry," she said.

With that, the guard stepped forward with a blindfold.

"Please, I know I don't deserve it, but please don't blindfold me," she asked like a scared child.

The guard looked to his co-workers and then stepped away from her with the blindfold still in his hand. The executioner came forward and prepared her intravenously. Once completed he grabbed the needle and slowly injected it into her body. Cat's eyes held Spencer's as she shook with fear and sadness.

"I love you," she mouthed as she felt herself fading.

Spencer stepped forward and placed his hand on the glass. Moments later, her eyes rolled shut and not long after she was pronounced dead.

(xxxxx)

J.J. looked to Spencer's empty desk. He hadn't been to work since the night with Cat. She tried calling him, but he wouldn't answer her calls. She knew the others, including Morgan, had tried as well, with the same results.

"He's gonna be ok," Emily said catching J.J. off guard.

She looked at Emily and frowned.

"Is he mad at us? Should we have tried to find the kids without him having to spend time with Cat? Maybe he feels like we abandoned him or let him down," she said in distress.

"Hey, hey, calm down," Emily said as she knelt in front of J.J. and grabbed her hand. "Everything is going to be ok. It always is."

"But he needed us and we didn't –"

"Come with me," Emily interrupted as she stood up and walked toward her office.

J.J. followed, completely confused to why they were going to her office. Once J.J. stepped inside Emily shut the door.

"Sit down," she said gently, as she gestured to the chairs by her desk.

J.J. hesitantly walked over and sat down, expecting Emily to sit behind the desk, but she didn't. Instead she casually propped herself against it near where J.J. sat.

"I don't think this has anything to do with us," Emily said. J.J. looked at her in puzzlement. "J.J. I think he's fighting with himself. I think he did something that he is ashamed of or at least thinks he should be ashamed of."

"What?" J.J. said as her brow deeply furrowed. "What could he have possibly done that wasn't forced by Cat?"

Emily sighed and tucked her arms against her chest.

"That's the thing. I don't believe it was forced."

J.J. shook her head in frustration and confusion.

"Don't dance around it, Emily. What are you talking about?" she snapped, though not angry at her.

"I think Spencer fell in love with her," Emily said bluntly. J.J.'s jaw dropped, and her eyes widened. "I think something happened that night that changed everything."

"What? No way! That is crazy!" J.J. said loudly. "She drugged him! She had him sent to prison! She … she … she had his mom kidnapped for crying out loud! There's no way!"

"Think about it, Jen. Can you imagine the battle he is having with himself? He fell in love with an unsub and not just any unsub, the one who tried to ruin his life. Do you see how embarrassed, how disgusted, how confused he is about all of this?"

J.J. stood up and started pacing the room. She wanted to argue the point further but couldn't think of what else to say to defend Spencer. There was no way he would do this.

"I spoke to the warden at the correctional facility," Emily said, her face reading of bearer of bad news. "He said Cat's final words were '_I wish I could undo everything I've done. I am so sorry_'."

"That doesn't mean anything. It was an act! She's always manipulating –"

"He said she was hysterical and that it was the most genuine he'd seen a death row inmate in a long time," Emily spoke over her.

"Liar! She's a liar!"

"Spencer was there."

That stopped J.J. in her tracks. Her face pale and shocked. Her eyes glassy and confused.

"He said he was crying and at one point placed his hand on the glass as though he was reaching for her. Said when she was pronounced dead … he dropped into an empty chair, wracked with grief."

"No," J.J. whispered as she shook her head.

Emily walked forward and wrapped J.J. in her arms. J.J. cried into Emily's shoulder as she tried to process everything she had just learned.

"What do we do?" she sniffled with her face still buried.

"I, honestly, don't know," Emily replied with her own set of tears slipping.

(xxxxx)

Spencer sat on his couch staring at the wall as he had done for the past two weeks. The amount of emotions running through him were so overwhelming, he felt like he would never find his way out. He felt like he was suffocating.

He heard a knock at his door. It wasn't anything new. Almost daily someone came by to visit. He never answered. They were persistent though, usually yelling to him through the door. It didn't make a difference though. Nothing anyone could say or do would help him untangle the web of confusion strangling him.

The knock was heard again. "Spencer? Spencer, honey, open the door please."

He jumped out of his seat and hurried to the door. He swung it open, without even considering his current state.

"Mom?"

Emily and J.J. stood next to his Mom, who was now holding his face in her hands.

"My poor baby, you haven't showered or eaten. Come on, let's take care of that," she said pushing her way in.

He looked to J.J. and Emily puzzled.

"Talk to her. I think it will help," Emily said softly, with a knowing look in her eye.

"And then, maybe you'll be willing to talk with us," J.J. said hopefully.

Her own eyes filled with sympathy and pain. The kind of pain you feel when you love someone so much and you know they are hurting and can't fix it. They didn't wait for him to respond before walking off.

"Let us know when you are finished talking and we'll come back for her," Emily said as they descended the wooden stairs.

Spencer waited until they were out of sight and closed his door, locking it again. He wandered to the kitchen to see his Mom looking through the cabinets. She looked great. She was still in the lucid state that had surprised him only weeks ago.

"You don't have a lot of food," she said as she closed the cabinets. "Why don't we order some Chinese food? You go take a shower and by the time you're finished the food should be here."

"Mom why are you here?" he said.

"Emily told me everything honey," she said as his face popped with surprise. "It's ok. Everything is going to be ok. Now, go shower and we'll talk while we eat."

Spencer hesitated, but when his Mom shot him that 'I'm serious' look, he shuffled off to the bedroom.

(xxxxx)

"Are you going to eat any of that soup or stir it until it magically dissolves," Diana asked.

Spencer had been staring at his soup, not taking a bit out of anything in front of him. He shrugged his shoulders while continuing to stir it.

"So, what happened?" she said, placing her spoon down and turning her attention fully to him.

"What do you mean what happened? I thought Emily told you everything," he muttered.

"I want to hear it from you. The truth," she said.

"The truth? You want the truth? The truth is I'm an awful, despicable person. I fell in love with a monster. What does that make me?" he cried as he threw his spoon across the room.

Diana didn't flinch. She watched him with soft, loving eyes. She reached out and placed her hand on top of his. He looked at her with tears in his eyes.

"Spencer, you grew up surrounded by chaos and mental illness. You grew up learning to see people for who they really are deep inside. Besides being a profiler, you always had a gift for seeing past people's walls. It's why you never stopped taking care of me, even at my worst," she said.

"Mom, you never killed anyone. It's completely different."

"Her transgressions were different from mine, but a sane person doesn't do the things that she did, Spencer. Whatever happened in her past destroyed her possibility for a healthy future."

"She tried to have you killed!" Spencer yelled.

"Which, I'm well aware of. I'm not condoning what she did. I'm not saying that I forgive her for what she did to you and me. I'm not saying I am happy you fell in love with her. What I'm saying is you aren't an awful person for being the only one who could find something good in her. We don't get to choose who we love."

Spencer buried his face in his hands.

"I feel so confused," he whimpered. "I hate myself for loving her and I hate myself for missing her and wishing it would've been different."

It was quiet for a moment as Spencer cried into his hands. He heard his Mom shift in her seat.

"When you were little, probably about 5 or 6. You were outside playing in the yard when I heard you crying. I ran out to see what was wrong and your father was holding a shovel, panting. Apparently, while you were examining rocks by the garden, a rattlesnake had made its way toward you.

"Your father just happened to look up from planting a flower and saw it only a few feet from you, wiggling its tail in warning. You had just turned around to look at it, when your dad hit it with the shovel, cutting its head off.

"You were crying because he had killed, what you referred to as an 'innocent creature'. You didn't care that your life was in danger. You blamed yourself for being in the snake's path. If you hadn't been in his garden, your dad wouldn't have needed to kill him. We couldn't get you to see it any other way."

Spencer looked at her annoyed. He clearly felt the story had no relevance to his predicament.

"Spencer, you are a lover. You are a man who has always had a heart that wore rose colored glasses. Despite the worst, you always find the good. And I believe that whatever you saw in that woman, whatever she exposed to you, was significant enough that the bad she had done no longer mattered to you. You saw someone lost and genuine and you wanted to save her. Just like the snake. Poisonous or not, it deserved another chance."

Tears streamed from his eyes as he let her words settle around him.

"Mom, she never stood a chance. The things that were done to her when she was a child … she was so angry. She was tortured by her past with no understanding of a healthy outlet. At the end, she had so much remorse –"

"You know how addicts fight hard not to quit their addiction? How they become hateful and resentful of the person who is trying so hard to save them?" Spencer nodded. "The reason she fought you so hard … you chipped away at her armor. Every time you were with her you found a way to sneak past it and catch a glimpse of the lonely, scared child."

He wiped as his face as Diana rubbed his knee soothingly.

"How do I get past the guilt? I feel like I betrayed everyone … especially you," he said as his lip trembled.

"You didn't betray any of us. Nothing and no one were harmed by what you did –"

"She had two kids kidnapped," he stated.

"From what Emily told me, when they found the kids, both were happily watching a movie and had been well taken care of. The person who took them collected money just to take them to a house, that turned out to be a grandmother of 5, who thought she was babysitting the neighbor's kids. They were in no danger."

"But –"

"You can keep trying to find reasons to hate yourself for this, but you aren't going to find any. No one is mad at you. Everyone is worried about you. Just as she couldn't change her past, you can't change yours. You made a decision that night that had zero consequences on anyone, but yourself. She is gone now and it's time to accept that reality, appreciate that you got to give her a brief glimpse of happiness before her death," she said.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I know you say I don't need to feel guilty, but I still do. I guess, I can't help that. It's just something I have to deal with and find a way to make it right in my mind," he said as he grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"Let's start making it right, by you eating. You're already too skinny," she said with a smile.

Spencer blushed as a smile tugged at his lips. He suddenly lurched forward and wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you, Mom. More than anything in this world," he said.

"I know that," she said with a smile as she held him tight. "And I am so proud to be your Mom. You are a wonderful man and I love you beyond words," her voice cracked at the end.

A few tears slipped as he refused to let go of her. While he wasn't fully over the roller coaster of emotions, he saw that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. He would eventually open up to his friends, go back to work, and move forward with his life.

He'd find love and get married. He'd retire and become a college professor. He'd have a house full of kids that he adored. He'd grow old with his wife and die of natural causes in his late 90's. And when he arrived at his new home, she would be there waiting to thank him for saving her life.

(xxxxx)

_A/N: so, I know a lot of you weren't happy with the fact that Spencer slept with her. In reality, that would be quite a disturbing thing, but when it comes to fantasy's I believe anything can be possible. For me, I always wanted Cat to be redeemable. They showed glimpses of that each episode she was a part of. The girl who so desperately wanted to be good enough for Spencer._

_I never wanted him to compromise who he was, and I believe that if they had the time, he could have broken her down and changed her, the way she did in the story. She loved him enough that his goodness would have made her a better person._

_Anyway, thanks for following the story. I hope you enjoyed it! Next up, I'll finish my Jeid story, and then onto Maxcer! xoxo_


End file.
